Monday, June 14, 2010

Feeling out of sorts or is it depressed??

Well, not sure what you would call it out of sorts, depressed or maybe guilty. I am just not feeling like a very good doggie mom right now. I have this sinking feeling that Leah is bored and I can't really do much about it. We have tried to play indoor games, I tried to play outside for a bit, but nothing is really making me feel like she is entertained. I can't take her out for a walk for one, I don't know my neighborhood that well and for two I don't trust the people in my neighborhood well enough to go out by myself, and for 3 I really hate getting lost. So, yeah I feel pretty low on the totem pole right now. In fact I am just going to say it, I feel pretty damn shitty. Its time like these I go back on my theory on why I don't allow myself to have many friends and wish I could have one sighted friend that could take the time to help me get my dog out at least once or twice a week just so I feel like she is stimulated and I don't feel bad for thinking she is bored. Ugh, I won't say I wish I could see because then I wouldn't have Leah, but I just will say that I wish I had one sighted person around that could help us get out. I am almost thinking I should of taken some bullshit summer class just to guarantee that we got out and Leah got some work in this summer. I am supposed to get groceries tomorrow, and I have this sneaking suspicion that I won't be able to take Leah, because my stupid mother in law and father in law don't want Leah in the stupid Tahoe. Maybe she will bring her car and I can take Leah, that would be nice then I would feel like she got some exercise in. I would refuse to go with her to get groceries since they won't allow my dog in that vehicle, but there is no one else to take me to get groceries and we are really running low on the necessities. *sigh* sometimes life really blows and all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry. I want to be left alone and left to cry there until I feel better...But I can't even do that. So I will whine and tell all you people in cyber space my problems and want to cry, but won't let myself break like that. I guess if it comes to it, I will just work her up and down this driveway that runs in front of my house that goes into the apartments behind me. I would like to live in a actual neighborhood where there are blocks and stuff or back in the apartments where I felt comfortable walking around the complex..but its not only my decision, and iI wouldn't like the apartments much because I wouldn't be able to have my own washer and dryer...Ugh, maybe If I go out side and scream I'll feel better? Right then someone would call the cops thinking someone has been hurt, not many people who live around me speak english. *sigh* oOh well, life goes on and I'll survive.

Amanda and Leah "The Princess" who's mommy thinks is really bored.