My name is Steve, and starting now, I am holding this blog hostage. Don't worry, I'm not violent. the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody. Ok so that's a bit of a lie. I'd actually like to hurt lots of people, but what's important is that I'm not going to. that is to say that I'm not going to so long as you all cooperate and let me do this the easy way.
Hmmm. I've never taken something hostage before, so I'm trying to remember what comes next. Do I fire warning shots into the air? I don't have a gun, so that could be a problem. Let's see if this works.
BANG! POP! BOOM!
Well, do you feel warned?
I feel like I'm messing up this entire thing. It strikes me that perhaps I shouldn't be threatening you all with ammo letter word sound thingies until *after* I've demanded stuff, so yeah, let's do that.
What I want is simple. I have no long list. I don't want cigarettes or pizza or beer or lottery tickets or whatever other stuff most of us hostage taking types ask for. I only want one thing, and it's not even a self serving one. What I want is to better the world through banishment of something truly horrible. What I want, and I know this may be tough for some of you, is for everyone in the world to renounce the use of the word tweeps. Jimminy Christmas in July, I hate that word! It makes you all sound like such fools, and in the case of some of the guilty I know that fools you are not.
And if it's not too much to ask, can we also knock off tweeple and all other variations? Yes, I think we can. Don't make me word shoot you again, because I will! Do you hear me? Well, do you? Why is nobody answering me!? Why!? Oh wait, it's because you're reading from far away. If you're not far away then you're in here, and I haven't seen you around. But...um...what was I saying again? Oh yeah. I have a keyboard and I know how to use it!
BANGBANGPOWPOWPOWBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!
See? I mean business here! Stop with the tweep thing and nobody gets hurt. Really, that's all I ask.
Wait, I do ask for one more thing. Please FeedBurner, post this to Amanda's Twitter without incident. I'd like that very much. I'd like it almost as much as I'd like for Twitter to be tweep free.
I hope we don't have to have this talk again. This hostage thing gets old pretty fast, plus I'm getting hungry and I can't find any food in this blog. Perhaps I should have demanded some when I started, or maybe I should just go and hostage take a recipe site.
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I love it. Our hatred of the word tweeps have been immortalized. Thanks Stweve.
ReplyDeleteI mean, our hatred of the word tweeps has been immortalized. I am made of fail. Or is that mwade of fwail?
ReplyDeleteSo is this like that, what's that thing called, where people start to like the people who take them hostage? What is that called? Because you'd have to add that by proxy thing to it since I'm jealous this blog got held hostage. I want mine to be too. That's cool. What is that called? It's right on the tip of my tongue. Stockholm Syndrome? Is that it? So would it be Stockholm by proxy?
ReplyDeleteYes, that is exactly what it is! Be jealous, its just because I'm super awesome! hahahaha
ReplyDeleteInteresting. Hostage jealousy and hostage taking by request. That's new.
ReplyDeleteAnd pretty sure you're right about the name of your syndrome.
Tweep?
ReplyDeleteNever mind - I googled it and I am one, I guess.
ReplyDeleteYou have been blessed to not have a tweeter on your list who continually says things like tweeps and tweeple. Consider yourself lucky.
ReplyDelete